i'm a big, dumb motherfucker sometimes. i hate that this diary is read by a lot of people that i know because i can't talk about certain things. ah well, i spose that's what the secret diary is for.

i was reading through my notes tonight and realized how much i missed this community. i met so many brilliant and interesting people through diaryland, and i'd like to start that up again. maybe that means i need to create more banners. or, simply pay for some again. hrm.

i wish that my year with christopher had been different. i wish that i hadn't neglected things that were important to me, like writing and friends and design, etc. i hate that i became *that girl* who neglects things to be with a boy. i can't claim naivete anymore, i'm too fucking old. i know that i learned some very valuable things during my year with him, but i can't help but feel that i wasted some time. thankfully i've stopped believing that i need to be married with children by a particular age. i guess all i can do is be thankful for any and all learning experiences.

i miss my cat.

i'm tired, but can't sleep.

i don't want to go back to l.a.

i have no money.